The Undefinable
by bcbdrums
Summary: Your eyes burn in a way that suggests the onset of tears, but you don’t cry. In your chest there is an ache like no other sensation you’ve ever experienced. It is dull, yet seems to choke you to your soul. You realize it is the feeling of heartbreak.


This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

The Undefinable

© 2008 by the author (anonymous by request) in association with Daylor and Sheldon Publishing™

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission.

The author does not in any way profit from this work. All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator.

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The Undefinable

You stare…and they stare back. And then with a last glance of indifference, they turn and widen the gap between you, and every step they take cleaves away a piece of your heart.

When a friend walks away…have you ever known that feeling?

In your mind there's that sudden panic at losing them and you're desperate for any way to get them back. You want to run after them to explain what they are to you. You want to plead with them to stay…you would even try to buy them or beguile them if only it would keep them at your side. You want to pour out your heart and make them understand how much you need them.

But you know it would be of no use.

In your body, the reaction is unparalleled. Your eyes burn in a strange way that suggests the onset of tears, but you don't cry. Your hands shake and are slightly numb, as if they are not a part of you. But you can still use them. In your chest there is an ache like no other sensation you've ever experienced. It is dull, yet seems to choke you to your soul. You realize it is the feeling of heartbreak.

Why does it have to be this way? Why don't they feel the same? You would go to the ends of the earth, you would part the seas…you would capture a star from the heavens for them. They must know that. So why did they leave?

Don't they understand how much you care? You want to tell them, to make them at least understand. Why can't they see it in your eyes?

If they knew…if they truly understood how you felt, would they be sorry for what they've done? You would even take sympathy, just to have them feel something for you…you would even take their hate.

Did they ever feel for you? Or was it just a passing curiosity that kept them with you for so long? You think about it…and you don't want to know the answer. You'd like to at least have the fantasy that they cared for you at one time.

Now you get angry. Even if they didn't care, they should at least feel some remorse for hurting you! How could they not see it! Anyone would know that look at a mere glance; the look you had in your eyes when they turned away…the pain that is still in your eyes as you watch them go.

You'll never know how they felt…they never told you. It isn't fair! You were so careful; you made every effort to be the perfect companion, pandering to their every whim, listening to every word they ever said and giving every question serious thought. You took their heart into yours. Why don't they feel the same?!

You sigh as you think back over your time together…your first conversation, the first time you shared a laugh, the first time they opened their heart to you and told you they trust you. But apparently you were nothing to them but a tool to be cast aside when it is no longer needed.

You were warned about this. Those closest to you said it would not last. They said it was impossible to have a relationship with someone from a different world, a different way of life…a different era as it were, so far apart were you in your ways of thinking.

Those closest to you told you not to get attached. But you were attached from the very first, from the moment that unique personality came to life in front of you. You couldn't help it.

You recognized something deep within them; beyond the veneer they showed the world. You saw how much they needed someone. And you were only too happy to be that person. You can't help being merciful and having a heart for the lost. It's simply the way you were created.

At times, when you first began to fear they would leave you, you hinted at the way you felt. You could never say it outright, for fear you would frighten them away, so locked their heart still was. And they never truly told you how they felt. Some of it you were able to infer from the way they spoke, the haunted look in their eyes.

But when it came to your relationship...they were always carefully reticent about revealing anything. You could never figure out why.

Maybe they held a similar fear, that if they revealed their true thoughts you would think ill of them, or judge them in some way. Even though you expressed to them that you would never judge them. You tried to impress upon them that you were a safe harbor in storms. A diary with a lock to which they alone held the key.

Maybe it was simply that it was time to move on. They had received all they could from you and so it would be pointless to continue.

But what about you? Don't your feelings matter? You had come to depend on them as well. But…maybe they didn't depend on you as you believed if they were able to leave.

You'd like to think they are denying it, that an apology is soon coming. Or better yet if you close your eyes it will have been no more than a nightmare, and when you open your eyes they will be standing in front of you.

But you are afraid. Afraid that if you close your eyes the cherished figure in the distance will disappear entirely, eternally severing all that you shared.

You continue to stare after them and realize with a heavy heart it is truly over. They do not feel as you do. And though you would give anything, everything…even your life, nothing will make them stay.

They are almost beyond the point of clear sight. This truly is the end. You decide there is no longer anything to be lost.

As anxiety threatens to suffocate you, you open your mouth to reveal for the first time that you love them. But the words die on your lips as a miracle occurs.

They look back. Your friend looks back.

_Authors comments: This was deliberately written to be ambiguous so each reader can interpret it as they wish and have a unique emotional reaction. If you feel inclined, give a review with your interpretation._


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